Fate or Free-will?

When I was in high school, we had an assignment to write an essay ‘Is it fate or is it free-will’? I have never been able to get over that paper. When I wrote it, I couldn’t decide on one or the other because I strongly felt that the two worked hand in hand. I consequently received a C- because the assignment was to pick one or the other. I took the C- and stood by my claim that it was like the chicken and the egg, there simple wasn’t one without the other.

I have always been a very analytical person but oddly spiritual, oddly because I wasn’t taught any religion as a child. My entire life I have been thinking of bigger than me, outside my backyard. I have always wished to see the world. I have always pictured the universe and the grand scheme. I was always having ‘realizations’ that I would announce to my friends and vice versa. Which, I see now as adorable because I was just a teenager. I liked to think that I spent my time with some deep-thinkers or philosopher type minds.

Many years have passed and many stories in my life have been written but I still think about that essay paper, fate or free-will? It seemed so simple for the other people to choose, why was it difficult for me?

One reason is that if you choose fate, then you are saying that nothing that you do is yours. You have no real choices, it only appears that you have choices but ultimately, even your choices are sketched out already. You are merely a puppet in someone else's show. What is the point?

If you choose free-will then all of the magic that life can bring us goes away. If something works out, it’s just based off your ability or connections. If there is something ‘fate-like’ that happens, it is only a coincidence. It is extremely selfish, cold and empty to me. It says nothing matters universally.

Still, it is difficult for me to commit to one or the other. And looking back, it irks me that we had this paper because I certainly don’t think a teenager has collected enough life data to honestly comprehend this question.

Today, I am still a very spiritual and analytical person. What I have recognized is that when I am really listening to my heart/or spirituality is when I am capable of making more courageous life choices. Is that fate guiding me? There are people who make courageous choices without this process and they also have results. Are those people on an auto pilot of fate?

The question is: Is it true that what is meant to be will happen?

If I answer yes; it makes me feel better and safer.
If I answer no; define what is meant to happen? We don’t know. It isn’t always what we want. This is going back into the hands of fate.

I believe in magic too much to think that we are just free-will running around rampant with no reason to be here. I also believe in love too much. I heavily lean toward fate.

Now the question is if it is fate, then why do we even have choices? What is the point to all of the information that we are collecting, life lessons or personal growth we have?